


Find Me

by catalinawinemixer



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-23
Updated: 2012-10-23
Packaged: 2017-11-16 21:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalinawinemixer/pseuds/catalinawinemixer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Tyler jumps and jumps and maybe loses herself in the process. </p><p>Written for the then_there's_us ficathon on livejournal. Prompt by shinkonokokoro: The Doctor is a ghost that Rose sees sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Me

_Find me._  
  
It's a pair of knowing eyes peering from her closet.  
  
Sometimes, while she's in bed alone, she feels fingers skittering across her skin. She tries desperately not to touch herself.  
  
There are always bananas in her kitchen, and within a day they've always rotted. It's the one thing that puts a smile on her face.  
  
She loses weight. She drinks. She curls up in her closet and meets eyes that aren't looking.  
  
 _Find me._  
  
She doesn't understand particle physics. Wasn't ever particularly good with maths. She finds herself doing calculations with numbers she isn't entirely convinced can actually exist. She feels the earth moving and time rushing and she can feel herself splitting and is this what he feels like all the time, then? She can feel the timelines, she swears, and it is madness.  
  
She finds a man's vest, stained with tea, tucked into a file with information she didn't know she needed to make the Canon work. She hides under her desk and cries, stifling her sobs into the cloth.  
  
There is so much she sees that she doesn't understand. There's a gorgeous woman with deep red hair. There's a young blonde and she thinks she hears _doctor's daughter_ and she doesn't allow herself to hope.  
  
She sees him take the hand of a beautiful black woman and jumps back, too quick. She's sick for days. She convinces herself it was the wrong universe.  
  
 _Find me._  
  
She stands from her desk and nearly trips. She tugs and finds a tie that she once used to bind his wrists to his slatted headboard draped loosely around her ankles. Her knees give out.  
  
Once, she lands too early. She dives and hides and bites her wrist, hard, as if her pain could prevent the potential paradox.  
  
 _Did I mention it also travels in time?_  
  
She doesn'twon'tcan't think about what would have happened if her younger self had seen her, battered and bruised and sobbing. Doesn'twon'tcan't think about if her younger self would have run away from the mad blue box.  
  
She jumps back to Pete's World and lands in a heap at Mickey's feet.  
  
 _I believe in her._  
  
There is a bride running past her in trainers. There is man with a scarf longer than several of her. She sees Sarah Jane, young and beautiful and begging for money, trying to find her way home. She is in San Francisco, watching him dance in delight over shoes, she is seeing the Cybermen again, she sees a singer whose lover has the face of an animal.  
  
She watches a hospital fly to the moon. And all the while, there is a hand in hers she can feel, but not see.  
  
There's a year that isn't, another blonde with another gun and she feels the TARDIS singing to her as she watches Time rearrange itself. For the first time, she lands on her feet back home. And she doesn't cry.  
  
She wakes up to the ghost of the feel of his mouth on her and sobs until her body gives out.  
  
She is twentytwentyonetwentyfour and still jumping and still lonely and still doesn't understand how time runs differently here.  
  
She stops sleeping, and his apparition sits at the foot of her bed, staring, as she works maths in her notebook and prays to gods she knows don't exist.  
  
She sits in her mother's kitchen with a cuppa and doesn't listen to Jackie talk about Tony and suitors for Rose and this suit that Pete ruined. She stares over her mother's shoulder at the man perched on the counter, all big ears and _lots of planets have a north_ and Jackie walks right by him like she doesn't see.  
  
It all converges on a redhead and she wishes, secretly, that it all converged on him instead.  
  
It's cold and the stars are going out and she sends a message across time and space. Bad Wolf. Tell him Bad Wolf, Donna Noble.  
  
She wraps herself in guns and blue leather and jumps.  
  
 _Find me, Doctor._ She doesn't stop dialing. _Find me._


End file.
